I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I use my feet as sexual weapons
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
