you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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