3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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