glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
