I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
