I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What a dumb baby whore.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
