I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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