the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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