Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
