we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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