A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
