hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize