Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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