I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
