At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my being single is dangerous.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
