my sisters under your porch take her home
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
