It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
