You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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