Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
