Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need moral support for this bender
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
