Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
