i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
