I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
