Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
