I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
