I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
