i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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