I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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