i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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