Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize