If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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