all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
