You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
