My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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