Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
