My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
