Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
