I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
