Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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