Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
