i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
