Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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