at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
