living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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