I've blown a few things in my day
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
