Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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