There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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