Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
