So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
