Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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