plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
