He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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