i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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