Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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