She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
