My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
