i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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