I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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