I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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