pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
