Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
