the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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