i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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