You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
