a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
