i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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