i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
