ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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