I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
