Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
