My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
