Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
