the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
