I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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