FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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