so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
