everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
