There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
