dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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