I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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