I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
