Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
