Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
