I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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