i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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