Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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