Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
