Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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