I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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