Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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