Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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