I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
