I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hippo gnu deer
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
