All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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