i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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