I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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