I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
