So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
