Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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