your parents love me but you hate me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
