Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
