eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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