i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
